AzuMystery Dungeon
by Black Archangel
Summary: Azumanga Daioh crossover. The Azu girls wake up as Pokemon in the world of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. Needless to say, they screw things up. Requested by EvilDux. Had to resubmit Chpt. 6 due to an error
1. Early Bird

A/N: If you haven't seen Azumanga Daioh, you will understand nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, in this story, if that's so, head on over to Youtube and watch yourself a few episodes before coming back here. If you haven't played Pokemon Mysterious Dungeon, I haven't either, just up to the second dungeon, but just go and check out a few Youtube videos on it so you know what this is all about. 

I want to thank EvilDux for giving me the idea for an Azumanga/Mystery Dungeon crossover fic. She actually asked that I do it, so here it goes. Okay... Yeah. Okay.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither Pokemon or Azumanga Daioh. Want a pretzel, though?

* * *

**Chapter One: Early Bird**

* * *

"Hello? Uh, wake up, please..." 

Osaka's eyes rolled open slowly, one at a time, before she turned over and spotted the little Pichu standing right in front of her.

"You're awake!" shouted the Pokemon. "I thought you'd never wake up..."

"You're cute..." said Osaka drowsily. "I wanna keep you... As a pet... or somethin'..."

The Pichu's expression was easily described as shocked as it backed off, but then slowly regained its senses as it came back to Osaka. "T-That'd be like cannibalism," it stated. Obviously it was talking about keeping it as a pet.

"Really?" asked Osaka.

"Uh, yes," the Pichu said, "because you're a Pokemon too..."

Osaka noticed she was standing on all fours. "So I am," she said, not sounding a bit freaked out. "But you know about slavery, right? You know, how people buy other people and make em work? And if they don't do their jobs right, the owners are all like, 'Yew lazy gewd-fer-nuthins! Git ter werk or e'll flog yeh, yesh ah will,' right? Can I buy you?"

Pichu took another step back. "N-no," it stuttered. "No."

"Aw," said Osaka. "What kind of Pokemon am I?"

A third step back. "A Slowpoke..." said Pichu slowly.

"So I hafta stick my tail in the river until something bites it?" Osaka wondered.

"Who are you?" asked Pichu, deciding to change the subject.

"Ayumu Kasuga... I think," she added after a moment's hesitation. "I mean, my dreams, they call me Dr. Chicken sometimes. That's only natural, seeing as I'm dressed in a giant chicken suit in those dreams."

Pichu stood still. "Where are you from?!" it demanded, suddenly frantic.

"Well, in elementary school we lived in Kobe..."

"You're from Osaka, aren't you?!" shouted the Pokemon.

"Well, that's where I live right now, but you really shouldn't interupt..."

"Osaka-san!" shouted the Pichu, suddenly hugging her for some reason. It then backed off, realizing how that just looked.

"You're weird," said Osaka.

"No, I'm Chiyo," said Pichu, deadly serious.

"What a coincidence," she said. "Because I have a friend named Chiyo and..."

"No, Osaka-san, it's me, Chiyo," said Chiyo.

"Chiyo?" asked Osaka. A nod.

Osaka hugged her, shouting random phrases, which didn't nessesarily follow the lines of "I missed you!" "Sata andagi!" or "Shisaa-yaabin!" were more accurate.

Their reunion didn't last long, a Butterfree appeared, crying. "Oh, my baby," she said.

"What is it?" asked Chiyo, stepping forward.

"Oh, little brat, it's terrible!" shouted the Butterfree. Chiyo winced at the word "brat". "My poor child has been lost in the forest... Curse you, evil fissure of doom!!!"

"So you want us to what?" asked Osaka.

"I want you find him, you fools!" snapped the mother. "Do I make myself clear?"

Osaka said "no" before Chiyo could say "yes".

"Let me put this in a way that even little morons like you two can understand," she growled. "If you don't come back here without my child, you two will be going back home without your throats. GOT IT?! The next time I see you, you better have my baby with you, or YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!" She took in several deep breaths, obviously not used to screaming out rants at random people.

"G-got it!" shouted Chiyo, running off with Osaka immediatly.

* * *

A Wurmple approached the two, curious.

"Ahh!" screamed Osaka, running away. She tripped on air and fell on the ground face first.

"Osaka, it's just a Wurmple," said Chiyo.

"But it's going to attack us!" shouted Osaka.

"That's just what they do," said Chiyo, oddly calm. "They aren't a big threat, we can take it."

"How do you know?" asked Osaka.

"Well, I've played Pokemon games..."

"You're working for the government?!" shouted Osaka, who obviously had hearing problems. "You traitor!" She tackled Chiyo full force, got paralyzed from her Static, and was still.

The Wurmple decided it may not be worth attacking them after all, sweatdropping as it fled.

* * *

After dragging Osaka through the rest of the dungeon, Chiyo and Osaka spotted the Caterpie in front of them. "There he is!" shouted Chiyo excitedly. "Now all we have to do is rescue him and get out of here! Nothing can make this go wrong!" Almost as if on cue, a Staraptor flew by and snatched the Caterpie away, leaving Chiyo's jaw dropping and Osaka's face looking as blank as ever. 

"We lost him," said Chiyo, horrified.

"Yeah..." responded Osaka spacily, not having payed attention to what just happened.

"How can we go back now?!" Chiyo shouted, freaking out.

"Easy," said Osaka. "We go back, we get our throats ripped out, and then we go home."

"Osaka-san, we can't do that," said Chiyo.

"Then what do we do?" asked Osaka.

* * *

"Where is he?!" demanded the Butterfree as soon as she saw them. "Where is my baby?!" 

"Well, we-" said Osaka, but was quickly cut off by the mother's sobbing.

"All the wasted years!!!" she shouted, crying. "I could've been looking for a husband!" Needless to say, Chiyo sweatdropped at this.

The Butterfree turned in one swift motion. "Forget that," she snarled. "You two are going-" And then she was swept up by the Staraptor, taken away to its nest to be eaten.

A long silence filled the air.

"Well, that sucks," said Osaka.

A/N: Okay, next up is Thunderwave Cave. I know I could've made this longer, but I don't want to. Okay? Okay. I'll get the next mission down tomorrow. I'll update my other fic when I have something dumb and/or stupid to say in it.

Now, then... You can choose to leave one of two things. Your throat, or your reviews. I'm deadly serious. REVIEW.


	2. Super Luck

A/N: Well, it has become apparent that I am writing this for EvilDux and only EvilDux, since her's was the only review I got. Ah well. If it means I'm not gonna get flamed, then it's fine by me! Hear that, flamers? Make yourself apparent, you lousy little- -gets snatched away by Staraptor- 

DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing. Because I ate all the pretzels. -sadness-

* * *

**Chapter Two: Super Luck**

* * *

After witnessing that rather odd chain of events, both Chiyo and Osaka were going to go home. But realized one thing on the way. They didn't have a home. So, then, after a pair of rather frightened Pokemon came running out of their homes, Chiyo and Osaka were going in, the Pichu looking very disapproving. Anyway, while Chiyo left to buy groceries, Osaka had to remodel the house so nobody would suspect they stole it. Chiyo returned, then her mouth dropped open, the bags full of Oran Berries and other assorted fruits spilling everywhere.

The entire house was the spitting image of a Shellos, from the snail-like head to the lumpy purple body. Chiyo blinked several times, then turned to Osaka, who gave her a silly grin. Chiyo slapper herself on the forehead. "Well, now nobody will think we stole it..." she said. "Because nobody would want to steal such a house," she added, quietly enough for Osaka to not hear.

The two woke up early next morning. Osaka went out to check the mail, but slipped out the window. She hadn't exactly been logical about redesigning the hosue- who puts windows so low they could be windows anyway?

She fell onto the Pelipper that was delivering the mail, who flapped furiously to get the heck out of there.

"So rude..." muttered Osaka, rubbing her head. "Anyway, let's check the mail... Bills, bills, geez, we don't even have a job and we get bills..." She turned around to the Pelipper and shouted, "Yo, sista! You delivered all the wrong mail to us!"

"I'm a guy!" came the furious response.

"So rude..." said Osaka again.

Chiyo came out, grabbed a few letters that had littered the ground, and started leafing through them. "Osaka-san!" she shouted. "Osaka-san, look at this!" She took out a letter and read.

"Dear... whoever," read the letter. "This letter will now explode in five... four..." Chiyo hastily threw it away, causing the residents of the house next door to burn into oblivion in a spiraling torrent of pain and misery. Chiyo searched for the correct letter, muttering something under her breath about "letter bombs".

Chiyo found the correct letter and read, "DEAR RESCUE TEAM. WE NEED YOUR HELP. WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MAGNEMITES FOR A MAGNETON. SINCE WE ARE NPCS, WE CANNOT FIND OUR THIRD MAGNEMITE. SINCE YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO LIFE AT ALL, AND YOU ARE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN EVERYONE, YOU GET YOUR LAZY BUTTS INTO THUNDERWAVE CAVE AND GET THE MAGNEMITE. THIS LETTER WILL NOW SELF-DESTRUCT IN-" Chiyo threw the letter away in the other direction, thus causing their other neighbors to explode.

"Well, then," she said. "Let's go!"

"But something's going to happen..." said Osaka eerily.

"Such as?" asked Chiyo, not really worried.

"Well," she said. "Our client could get devoured."

Chiyo sighed. She was used to Osaka. "Osaka, nobody's going to get eaten. Okay?"

* * *

"What do you mean MAGNEMITE GOT EATEN BY AN ARON?!"

"Well, ehe..." said the Magnemite sheepishly, "Anyway... go get the Magnemite in the cave anyway."

"Why?" asked Chiyo. "Even if we bring it back, you won't have enough."

"We're hoping that we can trick the evolutionary process by using a magnetized sphere instead," said Magnemite, holding up a foam ball painted silver with a giant googly eye pasted in the center.

Chiyo knew it wouldn't work, but said, "We'll go get your Magnemite," and dragged Osaka into the dungeon.

* * *

They had gone halfway through when Osaka insisted they stopped for lunch. Chiyo opened her bag of berries and began eating an Oran berry. Osaka, for reasons unknown, was happily devouring a Pinap berry. After a time, she said, "Oran berries are really hard."

Chiyo nodded, again, she was used to Osaka spewing out random facts at random times.

"But your teeth are tiny," she continued. "How can you eat an Or-"

"Okay, okay, never mind, Osaka-san," said Chiyo hastily. She didn't intend on losing any teeth if she could help it. She quickly swapped it for the softer Pecha berry.

Which was her worst mistake that day.

Pichus, they're naturally hyper. Chiyo was able to control her instincts until now. Like with most things hyper, they turn absolutely chaotic when exposed to sugar. Pecha berries, on the other hand, are packed full of sugar. Take two and two together, and things turned horribly wrong.

Chiyo, her instincts taking over, ricochetted off the walls before crashing through the floor, thus blasting her way through the rest of the dungeon. Osaka shrugged and jumped through the hole.

And got stuck.

* * *

Osaka and Chiyo reached the Magnemite eventually. Outside behind the cave, the Magnemite didn't notice them. Chiyo was about to grab it, bring it back-

And then the Staraptor came through and took it away too.

"This really is becoming, like, a trend, or something," said Osaka, while Chiyo was simply horrified from getting so close to the Staraptor.

Eventually they started going back the way they came, but noticed something that wasn't there before.

"A Luxray!" shouted Osaka happily, running forward towards the sleeping Pokemon. Not very fast, mind you, there's a reason they call them "Slowpokes".

"Osaka-san!" shouted Chiyo. "Don't-" Osaka was already slapping the Luxray with her tail. It woke up quickly enough.

The Luxray advanced towards them. Chiyo was close to tears, frightened. She wasn't having a lot of luck since she'd entered the world of Pokemon. When the Luxray spotted her, however, its gaze lightened, and then, it suddenly became very familiar-

"Chiyo-chan?" asked Luxray. Chiyo flinched, then retreated behind Osaka.

"Hello!" shouted Osaka jovially. "I'm Osaka! I'm from Osaka! Where are you from?" Through the Luxray's eyes, Osaka's face seemed to zoom in. It took a step back.

"Osaka?"

Osaka nodded. "Chiyo-chan, introduce yourself to the nice Luxray!" she shouted, slapping her with her tail. Chiyo was forced out from behind her.

"I-I'm Chiyo-chan..." sobbed Chiyo. "Please don't eat me!"

"Chiyo... So it is you." muttered Luxray.

"What's your name?" asked Osaka, once again giving the Luxray the "zoom-in" effect.

"I'm Sakaki," said the Luxray confidently.

"Sakaki-san!" shouted Chiyo, running forward, embracing the larger Pokemon in a bear hug.

"Wow," said Osaka. "What a coincidence. Because I have a friend named Sakaki..."

Chiyo slapped her forehead.

A/N: REVIEW.

Or I will turn into a Butterfree and kill you.


	3. Unaware

**A/N:** I'm back! After a long break, I'm writing again for the two or three of you! (That's being hopeful.) Can anyone spot the trend in the chapter titles? Tell me if you can.

By now I've actually gotten Mystery Dungeon and beat it- aside from the Moltres and Articuno battles, it wasn't too hard- so I have the basic idea of how this game works.

Also if anyone wants a Pokemon with PokeRus, leave your name and Friend Code in your review and I'll send over a PokeRus Pokemon once I get a router. Depending on what you're offering I may give you something common like a Growlithe or Vulpix, or instead something rarer like Articuno or Zapdos. I have Slowpokes, too. Nickname em all Osaka... :P

**DISCLAIMER:** I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT THESE YUMMY REVIEWS I GOT.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Unaware**

* * *

"Is that so?" asked Sakaki, walking along with Chiyo, who was dragging an unconscious Osaka. 

Chiyo nodded. "And we rescue people and its really fun! ...Even though most of the time the people we're supposed to be rescuing get killed." she added hesitantly.

Sakaki flinched. She wasn't sure if she wanted to "rescue" anybody now.

At Pokemon Square, there was a lot of conversation going around. "I didn't drown, dammit!" they heard a nearby Lombre claim. There was a Snubble just standing around, just looking at people. Shops were everywhere, so while Sakaki left them to go shopping, Chiyo began looking for where they may find some more rescue jobs. Osaka just slept.

She was dreaming in the paws of the little Pichu. Dreaming about the Pokemon who was carrying her...

"No!" shouted Osaka, in human form. "No, no!"

She was on her knees, in front of Chiyo, also in human form, and crying.

"Yeeeeeeeeeees..." said a voice emanating from inside the prodigy.

"I'll never let you do it!" shouted Osaka, back on her feet. "I'll never let you control her!"

"But it is too laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate..." laughed the pigtails. "She is ours noooooooooooooooooooooow..."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" shouted Osaka, shaking her fists, horrified.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees..." repeated the pigtails.

"O-Osaka-san..."

Osaka's eyes opened. Chiyo was staring at her, concerned. "Osaka-san, is everything alright?"

Osaka had to check, grabbing Chiyo's right ear and jiggling it around. The left ear remained motionless. "Curse you," she whispered. "You've followed her into this world, too!"

"What was that?" asked Chiyo.

Osaka was just about to shout out, in front of all these impressionable Pokemon, that she was being controlled by Pichu ears which were really the same evil pigtails she waged war against for the last few years in disguise, when Sakaki came back with the groceries. Osaka then proceeded to rifle through the bag, every now and again taking something out, inspecting it, and placing it in a pile next to her.

"Osaka-san, what are you doing?" asked Chiyo after Osaka had removed about a third of the bag and was now looking for a pot or an oven of some kind.

"Making Homemade Sata Andagi," she responded, sounding as if this was perfectly normal.

Chiyo stared in wide-eyed wonder. "Osaka, we're going to need those-"

"To make Sata Andagi," finished Osaka. "That's what I just said."

Chiyo and Sakaki thought it was pointless trying to argue, thus watched Osaka make her doughnuts, which were made, to Sakaki's delight and displeasure, in kitty shapes. Displeasure due to the fact that they were horribly deformed kitties, looking not unlike Osaka's panda drawing. Anyway, these kitty-cookies, or perhaps blob-cookies or maybe just blobs were sitting out to cool. A Chikorita came wandering along and noticed the blobs sitting there.

She stared, confused, at what Osaka was making. After a few minutes she judged that it was indeed edible, or at least, was supposed to be, and considered turning them in to the police for possession of explosives, before she remembered they had no police. Cautiously, she walked up to Osaka, poked one of the blobs, and seemed relieved that it didn't engulf the whole of Pokemon Square in a giant mushroom cloud on contact. The Pokemon seemed to consider the insane idea of eating one, but shook her head no vigorously at the thought. Hesitantly, she very slowly nibbled on the end of one of them.

"Hey!" shouted Osaka, snatching the food away. "You're _stealing_, aren't you?"

The Chikorita backed off very swiftly. "W-what?! N-no, no, I wasn't!"

"Yes you were, you, you, you BAD PERSON!" roared Osaka.

Chiyo pushed her out of the way. "S-she's just, uh..." Sakaki had to restrain Osaka to keep her from mauling the other Pokemon while Chiyo tried to come up with the proper phrase.

The Chikorita still appeared to be a bit frightened. "What was that?" she asked.

"That was Osaka," said Chiyo. "She's a bit... unusual, but she's... well, she has... some good qualities?"

"Yeah..." responded the Chikorita. "I know someone like that. I'm Saria. And you are...?"

"I'm Chiyo, and this behind me is Sakaki," said Chiyo. She pointed at Osaka. "That's Osaka, there."

"Osaka?" asked Saria. She tried to hide a tiny smile.

"What?" asked Osaka.

"Well..." said Saria. "It's a funny name!"

Chiyo and Sakaki sweatdropped. "I don't get it," said Osaka.

"Anyway," said Chiyo. "We're looking for where we can find some jobs... see, we're a new rescue team-"

"Hey!" shouted Saria. "I have a rescue team!"

"Really?" asked Chiyo. "How many members does yours have?"

"Two!" bragged Saria. "Top that!" She counted the three in front of them and shouted, "Hey! You broke our record!"

"Oh," said Chiyo.

"Anyway, jobs?" asked Saria. "Well, there's been a bit of a concern lately. See, there's a Diglett, he's been kidnapped by Skarmory, so someone called Kagura-"

"Kagura!" shouted Chiyo ecstaticly. "I-I mean, please continue."

Saria eyed her oddly, but continued. "So, anyway, Kagura went to rescue him, but she hasn't come back, and we're all getting kind of worried..."

"So we need to go help her," finished Chiyo.

"Help her?" asked Saria, confused. "I was just going to sit here complaining about it some more."

"Let's... go help her anyway?" suggested Chiyo. "What do you think, Sakaki?" Sakaki gave a little nod. "Osaka-san, should we- OSAKA!"

Osaka was attacking anyone who came within ten feet of her "Sata Andagi". "_WHY ARE THERE SO MANY THIEVES HERE?!_" she shouted.

"Osaka-san, no!" shouted Chiyo, pulling her away.

"What, are just gonna let them steal my pride and joy?" demanded Osaka. "Lemme at em! _I'LL GET YOU, ROOKWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!_"

"Who?" asked Saria.

"Nevermind."

Chiyo spoke up. "Osaka, we're going on a rescue mission, so-"

"Who's getting eaten this time?" she asked.

"Eaten?" asked Saria. "What a coincidence! Because me and Aki were going to rescue some mother's Caterpie, and-"

"Okay, okay, let's get going!" Chiyo interrupted hastily, not wanting their new friend to know about their screw-up.

* * *

"So they're keeping her here? In Mt. Steel?" asked Chiyo, staring at the mountain face.

"Well, actually, she's in Steel Mountain," said Saria jokingly, until she noticed Osaka walking away. "H-hey, were are you going? Aren't we gonna rescue Kagura?"

"Yeah," said Osaka.

"So why are you leaving?"

"I'm looking for Steel Mountain," she said in a perfectly calm tone of voice.

"Osaka, THIS is Steel Mountain," pointed out Saria.

"Noooooooo, that's Mt. Steel," she said. "Steel Mountain is probably somewhere over there." She pointed at a much bigger mountain.

"Osaka," said Chiyo, stunned. "That's Mt. Thunder."

"No, that's Steel Mountain. And even if you were right, it'd be Thunder Mountain and not Mt. Thunder," she said.

Sakaki wasn't paying them any attention. She was distracted by a Skitty walking along in front of her. So... cute... She reached down to pet it-

-And got her paw crunched down on from invisible fangs. She was determined, though! She would triumph! Sakaki made to pet it with another paw, hoping she wouldn't lose her balance. Unfortunately, she was so concentrated on keeping her balance she barely concentrated on actually petting the Skitty, thus accidently crushing it. It let out one final "Skiiiiiiiiiit" before going limp.

She backed off, returning to Chiyo and the others immediatly.

* * *

After determining that they were indeed in Mt. Steel and not Steel Mountain, the group began their long hike to rescue Kagura from the evil Skarmory. It took about an hour to get to the higher area of the mountain, at which point they took a break.

"That... was a really long climb..." said Saria, exhausted.

"It was..." agreed Chiyo. "Sakaki got groceries, though, so we should have plenty to eat." She reached into the basket the food was in and pulled out some Apples.

"It was all they had," said Sakaki apologeticly.

"It's fine, it's fine," said Chiyo brightly. "Oh, Sakaki, I got you something..."

She handed the Luxray a seed. "I found it earlier," she said. "What was it called, again? Hmmm..." Meanwhile, Sakaki tried to make Chiyo take it back, but it was useless, Chiyo wasn't going to take it back, she'd got it just for her. But Sakaki didn't want it so...

"And it was this big, and-"

"Osaka?"

Sakaki handed Osaka the seed and left. The Slowpoke gave it back. "You take it," she said. "I've got food." She held up some Sata Andagi for Sakaki to see.

"No, I-" but Osaka shoved the seed into Sakaki's mouth, knowing she was at risk of getting bitten. One could've written a poem with all the irony around here.

Suddenly everything went weird looking. What was what? Osaka and Chiyo and Saria, they all looked like little green stuffed toys. And this food... what was it anyhow? It was like... weird... it looked like candy, but it wasn't. The floor... it looked... puffy, like a cloud. Was this what people called getting high?

Sakaki felt as if she was in Osaka's mind. This... this was weird! It was... so strange... not being able to see things clearly. Should she get glasses when they went back. She didn't know.

"Oh, that's right! It's called an Allure Seed!" shouted one of the stuffed dolls Sakaki believed to be Chiyo. "You shouldn't eat that, it'll make you see odd things for the next few hours."

Great. So Sakaki had to put up with being drugged for the next few hours? Wasn't that splendid.

**A/N: **That... that was a long chapter. But hey! I introduced a new character! The Skarmory fight is next up, alright? We'll get to see Kagura soon. After Kagura, who do you want to see next? Along with the other OC I have planned, I'll introduce another character in the chapter after next. Who do you wanna see? Along with Tomo and Yomi, I'll be introducing Matsuda and Wada as well, which is exactly why I wanted you to read AzuMinor Tales. Written by EvilDux. Anyway, what's your choice? Matsuda and Wada or Tomo and Yomi? Either way, they'll get in there somehow, so don't worry if your favorite pair isn't chosen.


	4. Swarm

**A/N:** Since this just wraps up the Mt. Steel section (not Steel Mountain!) this chapter's a bit shorter than usual. Okay? I may not be able to write for a while, the weekend at least. Alright?

There are actually a lot of... odd themes in Pokemon that should've made it rated, like, T, or something. You know Gravelrocks, right? Well, you're basically stoning somebody when you throw them. And if you witness a battle between two Growlithes, you're watching the equivilant of a dog fight, only the dogs can breath fire. And don't even get me started on the Game Corner. Just goes to show you that Japan is weird.

And you need to read AzuMinor Tales, unless you already have.

**DISCLAIMER: **The Silcoons are going to eat my brains, and the Staraptor will eat the rest of my carcas afterwards. ...Or was it the other way around? Nah, I'm pretty sure its the Staraptor eating both because it's an evil Pokemon. Which I don't own. I don't own Pokemon. Game Freak owns them, so it's them I'm gonna sue after I tell them this story. Of course, there is the minor technicallity of me having to show up, in person, and that I won't look at all munched on, but I'm hoping they'll overlook that detail...

* * *

**Chapter Four: Swarm**

* * *

After lunch, it was about a ten minute's hike to the top of the mountain. There was a big platform, then in front was smaller one, the two blocked off by the cliché that was the bottomless pit. The two the were supposed to rescue were on the smaller platform.

"Diglett!" shouted Saria. "Kagura! We're going to-" And then once again an oh so familiar figure came down and stole Diglett.

"I think that thing's stalking us," said Osaka.

_"Stalker!"_ shouted Saria, shaking a fist angrily at the Staraptor.

On the other platform stood a Lucario, with a bored look in her eyes. "Save me," she said tonelessly.

"That's Kagura," said Saria. "Let's go get-" She skidded to a halt, noticing the deep pit beneath her.

"Oh, isn't that convenient," she muttered sarcastically.

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Coming down from the sky was Skarmory. "Mortals!" he shouted. "Who dares trespass on my airspace?"

"But, aren't you a mortal too?" asked Chiyo.

"SILENCE, YOU _FOOLS!_" screamed Skarmory.

"Hey, helpful tip," called Kagura. "When you're calling people names, try not to be so hypocritical."

Skarmory shot her a deadly glance, which missed her by an inch. "I'll deal with you later, blunderhead."

"HYPOCRITE!" sneered Saria.

"SILENCE!"

Kagura threw a rock at him.

"Grr..." he growled. "That's it! Prepare to die!"

"We're not dying!" shouted Chiyo, revolted.

"...And I'll leave my clothes with Yomi, though she might have trouble fitting into them..."

"Osaka!" shouted Chiyo.

Skarmory obviously was getting tired of them, thus lunged forward at Sakaki, who, with her impaired vision, believed Osaka had found something interesting, like a seaslug, and was running up to show her. She had no idea that what was really going on was much more painful.

Saria ran forward, tackling Skarmory with all her might to keep Sakaki from getting hurt. Skarmory was sent flying back, hit a wall, and kicked off from it.

"What the heck did you think you were doing?!" shouted Saria, glaring. Sakaki shuddered- seeing a green stuffed Rhydon doll glare at you with red, glowing eyes that were anyway usually closed was not exactly a comforting image.

Kagura wanted to join in on the action and began stoning the bird from afar. Skarmory would flinch every now again with each stone bouncing off the metal plating of his body. Saria hit Skarmory with Razor Leaf attacks, which didn't do much, but after she attempted a Tackle and her skull had caused a dent in his body, he got pretty pissed. Sakaki, still unable to see properly, settled for setting up traps that the bird would occasionally tread upon, while Osaka pelted him with bread. Chiyo, meanwhile, wanted to settle this conflict non-violently, but after getting hit by a rock, a loaf of bread, and stepping on a trap courtesy of You-Know-Who (not Voldemort, btw) she realized it'd be just better to stick her head in a corner and wait for the battle to end.

Skarmory was dead in five seconds flat.

Maybe seven.

Saria pulled out a red button and pushed it. "That was easy," it said.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I admit it was a short chapter. Again, I may not update for the weekend, hopefully the next update will be Tuesday. Sorry for the long wait.

I feel very confident that I will be able to introduce at least three new characters next chapter.


	5. Rivalry

**A/N:** CHANGE OF PLANS! I can write Saturday and Sunday, but come Monday I leave FOR DUR BEACH. And, I'm staying at a hotel! W00T! I'm not sure if I'll get Internet there, but if I don't update by Tuesday, then... well, that's not good.

Thanks to EvilDux for letting me use Matsuda and Wada.

**DISCLAIMER: **I lost the lawsuit. Curses. Good thing, I didn't get arrested. Curse you, Phoenix Wright. If he'd been on time like he was supposed to be... maybe I'll just tell him to come an hour early next time. He'll chose that opportunity to be on time. The _jerk_.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Rivalry**

* * *

The group arrived back at Chiyo's house, which had been burned down to the ground, a huge crater surrounding it. The others were at a loss for words, while Osaka just stared vacantly into space.

"Sooooo..." muttered Kagura. "Nice place you got here." She kicked the crater into shape, forming what passed for a chair. She sat down and fell back. "Ow!" she shouted. "I'd normally say we go to my place, but since I'm homeless..."

"Uh... let's go to my house?" suggested Saria slowly.

The others nodded without a word, except Osaka, who was ranting on and on about pigtail laser guns.

The house they arrived in was in the shape of a little white hut, fires burning around it. "I really have no clue why I bought this house, of all houses," said Saria. "I mean, look at it! There are freaking FIRES on the outside! Why, oh, why, did I put my front lawn on fire! WHY, GOD, WHY!!!"

"Izzat so?" asked Osaka, not paying attention at all.

Anyway, all ranting aside, Saria opened the door. "Yo!" she shouted. "We're home!" She flicked the light switch, and recoiled in fear as a Torchic and Weavile came into sight, both in the same frightning yet traumatizing pose. A Vibrava behind them had a rather bored looking glance in her eyes, reading a brochure and not really caring.

"Hey!" shouted Torchic. "What took you so long?"

"Oh, shut up, Aki," snarled Saria, bopping her in the head.

"Ow!" shouted the Torchic, backing off.

"And who are these people?" snapped Saria, setting down the Toolbox.

"I," declared the Weavile. "Am Matsuda the Great! Also known as the Elder One, the One Weavile to Rule Them All, the Dark Lord, the Sith Lord, the- Hey what are you- Owwie!!!"

The Vibrava had gotten up and had been spending the last few moments sticking the other Pokemon's tongue into an electrical socket. "Bastard!" shouted Matsuda. "I'll kill ya!" The Vibrava flew to the top of the room. "Curses!" screamed the Weavile, trying again and again to seize her prey with her claws.

"Who are you, then?" asked Saria, gesturing towards the Vibrava.

"Wait!" shouted Kagura. "I know this one! It's, uh... it starts... it starts with... uh... I give up."

"I'm Wada!" shouted the Vibrava from the top of the room. "Matsuda! No! Vibrava does NOT taste good!"

"SHUT UP!" Matsuda screamed back. "You're just upset because you're still scared of that sturgeon!"

"Hey, who was the one who thought that sturgeon was a freaking pleselosaur!" came Wada's scream.

"You!" declared Matsuda.

"BAKA!" shouted Wada, tackling the Weavile. The other Pokemon attacked back with a Slash attack, then Wada hit her with Dragonbreath, then Matsuda used Ice Shard, and then Wada banged a ruler onto her head, and so forth.

Aki, meanwhile, had been recording the whole thing on a video camera. "W00T!" she shouted, pumping a fist. "We're gonna be so rich! What you gonna do with your money, Sar-sama?"

It took a good hour or so for the two to calm down (and for Aki to get enough footage to send into Funniest Home Videos every day for a year), Matsuda still grinning with a crazed look on her face, Wada holding an electrical plug threatningly.

"Anyway," said Saria. "Guys, this is Chiyo, Sakaki, Kagura, and... Osaka?" Osaka wasn't there. "Aw crap!" she shouted. "Where'd she-"

"Hi!" called Osaka from the doorway.

"Osaka-san, where were you?" asked Chiyo.

"Shopping," she responded, packing away a small cardboard box.

"And that is...?"

"Secret," responded Osaka. "Top secret. Hey, did you know that no piece of paper can be folded more then seven times?"

"Oh, dear lord, not you..." muttered Matsuda tiredly.

"Oh really?" asked Kagura.

"Yeah really," said Osaka.

"No way!" she shouted.

"Yeah way," said Osaka, nodding.

"Seriously?" asked Kagura.

"See for yourself," said Osaka, chucking a piece of paper at her.

Kagura began to fold it, and fold it, and fold it, and after about seven folds she began getting really irritated. "Ugh... Urk..." she muttered. "HI-YAH!" She drove a hand through it in a Karate Chop, causing the folded-up paper to explode into little white shreds.

"Confetti?" muttered Matsuda. "This... this means WAR!" She tackled Wada, who flinched in surprise, then bit her. "Cheater!" shouted Matsuda. "I DECLARE A _SLAP WAR!_" She slapped Wada, who slapped her back with a flimsy leg.

Aki was sweatdropping. "So, anyway, if you all are looking for jobs..."

There was a silence filled with only the sounds of a certain duo slapping one another. "TO THE POST OFFICE!" declared Saria, Aki and Kagura in unison.

"To the post office..." echoed Osaka.

* * *

"Please!" begged the Jumpluff. "All my friend needs is a gust of wind!"

The Shiftry in front of it scowled. "Izzat so?" he asked. "...What if I don't wanna?"

**"YOU HAVE TO, FOOL,"** spat Jumpluff.

"What, is it, like, the law, or something?" asked Shiftry.

"Sure, why not?" asked Alakazam, floating up behind them.

"Because... because... because you're a _STUPID HEAD!_" shouted Shiftry.

Alakazam began tearing up. "No..." he begged. "Anything but... _that_..."

"Then it's settled," said Shiftry. "We must rescue Jumpluff's friend!" The pair of Nuzleaf behind him looked a little confused, but they nodded and ran off after their leader.

"Calm down, Alazkazam, come on..." muttered a Charizard soothingly, escorting him out of the way. A Tyranitar was with them, also escorting their leader. Alakazam looked up, noticed Kagura, and began attacking both Charizard and Tyranitar with "Mad Kung Fu Action".

"What the hell?!" shouted Charizard, dropping Alakazam's leg. Tyranitar mirrored his actions, backing away as fast as possible.

"LUCARIO!" shouted Alakazam, running up to Kagura. He pulled on a T-shirt with a Lucario printed onto it. "LIKE OMFG I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!! I'm so happy to meet you at laaaaaaaaaast..."

He was like a rabid fan girl or something, seizing Kagura's leg, allowing her to drag him along. _"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh_ my god..."

If you didn't realize it by now, a majority of the group was sweatdropping. "Oh dear," muttered Sakaki, while Kagura lay there helplessly in Alakazam's grip.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh dear. You notice after beating the game that when you talk to Alakazam he tells you about the greatest rescue hero of all, right? Lucario? Well, Kagura's a Lucario, soooooo... -evil laugh- Anyway, next update's probably... oh, maybe after Tuesday? Kay? 


	6. Wobbufet World

A/N: This chapter kinda came to me... I was walking along, you know, when suddenly this word comes into my mind: WOBBUFET. And then, like, another one comes to me. WORLD. It's almost as if they were meant to be used together. Say it, c'mon. Wobbufet World. Yeah. Sounds like some kind of cheesy amusement park. But I like it. So, totally leaving the plot, we progress into CHAPTER SIX: WOBBUFET WORLD. 

If you're still trying to figure out the trend between the chapter titles, don't bother with this one, it doesn't follow the trend at all.

DISCLAIMER: Muffins! Er, I mean, I do not own Pokemon in any way, shape or form. Or Azumanga Daioh. Did you actually think I did? Tch. You're funny. I want a muffin.

Well, are you gonna give me my muffin or not?! -pouts-

* * *

**Chapter Six: Wobbufet World**

* * *

After managing to ditch Alakazam somewhere near a river (or in it would be more accurate) the group left him to his doom while Charizard and Tyranitar, neither able to swim without suffering "super-effective damage", attempted to reel him up using an Old Rod. They strolled along calmly, decided to walk up to the Whiscash Pond, and froze.

"What," said Matsuda.

"I'm scared," said Saria.

"Sakaki, will you hold my hand?" asked Kagura, shivering.

"What... what is this...?" asked Wada.

"Sata Andagi..." said Osaka dreamily.

One of the walls in the Whiscash Pond area had been blown up, rubble laying around on the ground, forming a cave. Perched on the top of the cave was a large and very colorful metal banner, flashing lights creating a rainbow of a border surrounding yet more lights, also flashing. The lights on the inner area of the border spelled out the words "WOBBUFET WORLD" in huge, capital letters. Outside of the cave's entrance stood, surprisingly enough, a Wobbufet.

The group stared at the sign for a while, mesmerized by its ominous aura, then Osaka fell over, unconscious. The others barely noticed.

"Should... should we investigate?" asked Saria. "I mean, like, we're a rescue team, so..."

"So what?!" snapped Aki. "We go in to THAT creepy place?! No freaking way! You... you don't know Wobbufets the way I do. They're... they're like mimes, but, blue, you know?"

Apparently nobody else did. They began walking into the dark passageway, save Osaka, who was still suffering from her seizure.

"This is freaking suicide!" Aki shouted, chasing after them.

* * *

The interior of the cave was, to put it bluntly, scaring the heck out of the group. Already it looked pretty odd, the walls curving in and out of shape. Crudely drawn cave drawings covered them like a blanket, several of which depicted very poorly depicted Wobbufets. Kagura was gripping Sakaki's paw so that the Luxray lost all feeling in it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a flashing light. Then another. Then more.

"OH CRAP!" shouted Matsuda, fleeing instantly. She hit her head on a wall and slid to the floor, cartoon style.

"S-should we turn back?" asked Chiyo, backing away slowly.

"My life is flashing before my eyes..." said Aki slowly.

Sakaki was silent as always, but it wouldn't exactly take a genius to figure out she was scared as hell.

The flashing light flashed one last time before flickering off, and then, after a moment in the darkness came a much bigger light, not flashing, but still rendered the group temporarily blind.

A trio of Wobbufets came forward. There was a silence, and then, all at once, they began singing in a loud Wobbufet drone. "Wobbu wobbu wobbu fet! Wobbu wobbu fet..."

"How much you wanna bet one of them is Yomi in disguise?" sneered Kagura.

"Wobbutty wobbutty wobbufet! Wobbu wobbu fet..."

"You suck!" shouted Matsuda, removing herself from the ground.

They paid no heed to her insult as a much bigger Wobbufet came crashing forward.

"This... this could be painful," said Saria, frightened.

"Welcome to Wobbufet World," said the big Wobbufet mechanically. "We hope you enjoy your stay here."

"Well, we won't!" shouted Aki.

But the Wobbufet was already leaving, followed closely by the three singers. After that was still more silence.

Then giant glass cylinders came rising up from the ground, trapping each and every one of them inside.

* * *

Osaka, meanwhile, was sitting around on the edge of the pond. She had a little notebook in her hands, and she was drawing in it. The Whiscash, struck by curiousity, came swimming over to her.

"Little one, what-"

"But I'm the same size as you," protested Osaka.

Whiscash blinked. "Let me start again. What are you doing?"

"I'm drawing," said Osaka.

"Ah, yes, but what are you drawing?" he asked.

"I'm not done," said Osaka.

"Will you show me afterwards?" asked Whiscash hopefully.

"Okay," said Osaka. She continued to draw. She turned slowly to Whiscash. "Do you mind?" she demanded. "I'm trying to draw here, I can't draw with you watching my every move!"

"But aren't you going to show me anyway?" asked Whiscash, confused.

"Maybe I don't want to show you," said Osaka.

"But you said..."

"Nevermind what you said!" she shouted. "Just don't watch me!"

"But will you show me afterwards?"

"Maybe, if you don't watch me."

Whiscash obediently stuck his head into a wall. "Finished!" shouted Osaka as soon as he turned away. Whiscash looked at what Osaka had drawn, then, shocked at what he'd seen, fell to the bottom of the pond.

He didn't come back up.

"Critics these days," said Osaka, shaking her head as she stored her doodle depicting something that was later scribbled out by a censored box.

* * *

The tubes went straight down into the floor, taking the group into an underground chamber. It wasn't nearly as frightning looking as the chamber they had just left, but its resemblence to a mad scientist's laboratory still made it rather mortifying to look at.

High above them was a throne, where a really ugly looking Mr. Mime stood. His eyes weren't normal, covered by two eternally fogged up lenses, his jaw dropping open so that it just barely grazed the floor. The lenses were covered by a red hat, which had two pointed ears on the top, as well as two eyes below that. His rather deformed body was covered by a grey suit. He managed to pull off the act of looking both comical and extremely creepy. This was Kimura.

Kimura, like many others, had originated from the human world, but even then he wasn't what you'd call normal, as he seemed to take pleasure in watching high school girls in bathing suits. He was capable of magically popping out of thin air, usually with a "suggestion" that lead to him getting lynched. It was considered extremely unfortunate if he took a fancy towards you. Maybe he was a freak, maybe he was just honest, but whatever he was, it wasn't good.

All considered, it wasn't surprising he'd ended up here.

Matsuda swore when she realized who the Mime was, and Kagura actually did break Sakaki's paw from clamping her hand to it so tightly.

"NAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Kimura, spotting them.

"Yeah, that's him alright," said Wada.

Kimura just sat there laughing his deformed head off, twisting it in every which way so that there were several loud snapping noises. A pair of Wobbufets came up to them to explain what was going on.

"WOBBU WOBBU!" they shouted, not realizing the girls had no idea what they were saying.

"Uh..." muttered Saria. "What the heck are they saying?"

"Something about Jello monsters creating a city of sand?" guessed Kagura. "I don't know, ask them."

"Yo!" shouted Matsuda. "Yeah, what the hell are you trying to say?"

They paid no attention to her as they pressed a button on a little metal control panel. The glass containers exploded.

"We're free!" shouted Chiyo, scrambling towards the door.

"Wait..." said Wada. "I hear music..."

There was indeed music emanating from somewhere. Very fast and rushed it sounded, sounding almost as if they had walked straight into a...

"Monster house," breathed Aki.

They all stared at each other.

"CRAP!" they shouted in unison, as Wobbufets began falling from the sky.

* * *

"Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother..."

Somewhere in Pokemon Square, a Slowpoke and a Sneasel were bothering a rather irritated looking Gyarados. "Bother bother bother bother..." they were saying, while bothering the Gyarados. They fled before they were killed.

"That was fun!" shouted Osaka.

"I liked the part where she stopped moving," agreed the Sneasel, Tomo.

A pause. "Let's do it again!" shouted Osaka.

"Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother..." they said, bothering Yomi again.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" shouted Yomi, shooting green light from her mouth. Or at least, she tried. Nothing came out. "I mean, HYPER BEAM!" She hit them with a Hyper Beam attack, and they were broken down into bite-sized pieces.

"MURDER! YAY!" cheered Tyranitar, munching franticly on his popcorn.

* * *

"It's raining Wobbufets..." said Saria slowly.

"They're, like, Ninja-fets, or something," commented Wada.

"Ninja-fets?" asked Matsuda. "Is that some kind of ninja cereal?"

"Shut up, Matsuda," muttered Wada, thwacking her on the head with a bendy ruler.

"Should we fight?" asked Sakaki.

"How can we?" asked Chiyo. "They're too strong!"

"Wait!" shouted Matsuda. "I've got a plan!"

* * *

**THIS IS AN AWESOME TRANSITION.**

* * *

"Oh kiddies!" cackled Kimura. "Where are you?"

"We're over here," said Matsuda.

"I don't see you," he said.

"A little to the left," she said.

"Here?" asked Kimura. "I don't see anybody..."

"Okay, ready?" asked Matsuda. "SHOOT HIM!" The others jumped out from behind a crate and began shooting him. Unfortunately, they were on the floor and Kimura was way up high, so they couldn't reach him. Then Aki was shot by a Wobbufet.

"ALL OF YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!" it shouted.

"Flee!" shouted Matsuda, while proceeding to do so.

* * *

"Oh god that was creepy," breathed Sakaki, as soon as they had escaped from that madhouse.

"Seriously," added Matsuda.

"Hey..." said Chiyo. "Where'd Osaka go?"

"...Bother bother bother bother..."

Osaka and Tomo were still bothering Yomi, who was somehow managing to put up with it.

"Osaka-san..." said Chiyo. "What are you doing?"

"Bothering Yomi," she said.

* * *

**A/N:** That was kind of a long chapter, but I managed to introduce Yomi and Tomo now, as well as Kimura. I made more references to other sources, by the way, so if you can catch them... NO! NEVER! I SHALL NOT GIVE YOU MEH PRETZELS! Besides, pidgebot took em all anyway. So... can I have muffins please?

Please?

C'mon, you know you want to...

MUFFINS. REVIEWS. MUFFIN REVIEWS. Now.

On second thought, make my muffin a _Raspberry Heaven Muffin._


End file.
